If the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants were the Brotherhood of the Traveling Cocks

Well, we all know exactly where they'd be "headed." 

If Batman were Scatman

Master Sweeney would be one Dark Knight, alright! 

If multi-touch interface were multi-cocks inyourface

I don't know. Jim Sweeney would probably eat a fucking iPhone. 

If A Few Good Men were A Few Gay Men

Private Jim Sweeney would certainly be able to handle the "truth," (about Tom Cruise's sexuality). 

Contributed by Uncle Brenty